


Slipping through my fingers (all that time)

by Stardustwrites17



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Court Sorceress Morgana (Merlin), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Kid Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Kid Fic, Kid Merlin (Merlin), Kid Morgana (Merlin), M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Sort Of, Time Skips, kid sir leon (merlin), kind of, magic is sentinent, merlinbingo2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29289048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardustwrites17/pseuds/Stardustwrites17
Summary: Her little prince.She held him close, an inconsolable sorrow had made itself at home in her chest. He would grow up without a mother, and that hurt much more than the knowledge that she would not see another dawn.But as fast as her sadness had appeared, a new one filled her chest. Hope.She blinked and the chambers disappeared, to be replaced with a white fog that fell away to let her witness a scene....On her deathbed, Magic let's Ygraine watch her son grow up, to be the king Albion needs. More than that, she's assured Arthur will be happy and loved.This is Arthur's story through Ygaine's eyes.
Relationships: Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Leon & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Ygraine de Bois & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Ygraine de Bois & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 126
Collections: Merlin Bingo





	Slipping through my fingers (all that time)

**Author's Note:**

> This started as something short and ended being... this.   
> Also I had too much fun with baby Arthur and I hope you like him too.   
> For my Merlin bingo: magical pregnancy.

Ygraine was dying. 

She could feel it. Twenty hours of labor and she could feel the way her heart was slowing, how blood was draining from her even as the physicians tried to stop it. 

She wasn’t particularly scared, to be honest. She had been expecting it, a part of her mind had always known that she wouldn’t see her child grow up.

Speaking of which. 

A cry pierced the room, along with numerous sighs of relief. 

“It’s a boy, your majesty. A healthy boy” Gaius informed her. He looked sad and worn. 

Ygraine smiled at him and extended her arms in pleading. She didn’t have much time, she knew. He knew it too. 

She was handed a bundle of blankets, soft and warm to keep the child content. 

He shifted in her arms, tiny nose wrinkling as he yawned, little pink tongue sticking out for a moment.

Her little prince. 

She held him close, an inconsolable sorrow had made itself at home in her chest. He would grow up without a mother, and that hurt much more than the knowledge that she would not see another dawn. 

But as fast as her sadness had appeared, a new one filled her chest. Hope.

She blinked and the chambers disappeared, to be replaced with a white fog that fell away to let her witness a scene. 

Uther stood in front of a window, their son cradled to his chest, but his expression closed off, his movements mechanical, as if he were merely holding a sack of grain. 

“They’ll pay. I swear it, Ygraine. Each and every one of them will pay for this” 

Ygraine said nothing, found that she  _ couldn’t _ speak. 

What she saw next made her stomach rebel, made a lump form in her throat. Druids ran through the forest, women and children screaming in terror as the knights of Camelot cut them down where they stood. 

“For the late queen of Camelot!” One shouted. The others echoed the battle cry. 

The scene dissolved, and many others continued, flashing in and out of focus rapidly, showing her the worst days of the Purge, showing her commoners and nobles, friends of hers, being executed for performing magic.

A particular one stood out, of a woman giving birth, her young pale face screwed in agony as she pushed, crouched down on a blanket. The minutes stretched on, the woman was alone, Ygraine noted sadly. It wasn’t long before the woman held a crying baby boy, small even for a newborn and with wisps of black hair in his head. 

When she ran her finger down the bridge of his nose, a pair of brilliantly bright blue eyes stared up at her. 

They shone gold for a moment, before the fire by the corner of the room brightened, the flames creating a little bird (a merlin, she reckoned) that flew around the room once before it disappeared into a trail of smoke. The woman laughed breathlessly, cuddling the baby close.

“You’re certainly your father’s child” she grinned and kissed his forehead. “My little Merlin.” the woman whispered as she clutched the infant to her chest, as if afraid someone would barge in and take him away. From what Ygraine had witnessed, that very well could be the case. 

The scene dissolved, Ygraine got the feeling the boy was important somehow.

  
  


The next scene that appeared was longer, and what she saw made her chest warm.

A blonde toddler, not older than three years old, stumbled into the training grounds, his chubby legs wobbling as he walked across the uneven stone. 

His eyes were bright blue, his chubby cheeks the rosy color of a child well fed, and his blonde hair stuck out in golden curls. 

Another boy appeared, this one at least 10 years old, with curly almond hair that fell to almost his shoulders. He had his hands on his hips, a wooden sword dangled from his grip. 

“What are you doing here, little Prince?” He tutted. Ygraine couldn’t help her amused smile. “Did you escape your nanny again?” 

“Fight” her son muttered. “Like you!” 

“I’m ten,” the boy said, pride in his voice, “I’m almost an adult already. I need to train, so that I can do my duty and protect you when we’re older” 

It was a practiced speech, Ygraine could tell; one that the young boy took pride in. 

The little prince pouted, pudgy lips trembling as his eyes filled with tears. 

The boy hesitated at that, before he placed his hands on the prince’s shoulders.

“Come on, don’t be like that…” his eyes lit up when an idea struck him. “How about this, next time father needs an audience with the king I’ll request an audience with  _ you  _ and I’ll teach you everything I know” 

At that, the toddler looked up hopefully.

“Evwething?” 

The boy nodded fervently. 

“I know quite a lot already” his chest puffed. “I am to be Sir Leon, after all, protector of the king” 

Leon smiled kindly at the prince and picked him up, settling him on his hip. 

“Come on, we don’t need to get  _ another _ nanny fired, do we, Arthur?” 

Arthur giggled, dropping his head on Leon’s shoulders. 

“Sir Leon” He said happily.

“That’s right, little prince” 

Leon carried Arthur away, and the scene dissolved once more. 

_ Arthur is his name.  _ Ygraine smiled.  _ And he will always have a faithful protector.  _

Arthur was older this time, maybe eight years old. He sat on his bed, looking down at his hands in his lap, eyes filled with disappointment and lips down in a pout. 

The door opened, and in came a young girl with green eyes and long wavy hair, walking towards the prince like she owned the chambers. She was older than Arthur, though not more than a year or two. She looked familiar, Ygraine wondered if she had known her parents. 

“I’ve been searching for you” she sounded impatient, a little annoyed. “You didn’t come to greet us” 

“Sorry, ‘Gana”

The girl rolled her eyes as she sat next to him.

“It’s  _ Mor _ gana,  _ lady _ Morgana if you annoy me” 

She seemed to expect a comeback, to Arthur crack a joke about her being a lady. When he didn’t respond, she frowned. Ygraine realized why she seemed familiar, her expression, the way her eyes squinted, she looked just like Uther. 

The realization made her stomach plummet. 

“What’s wrong?” Her voice was softer now. She sucked in a gasp when Arthur looked up. 

His cheek was bright red, the beginnings of a bruise covered his cheekbone. 

“Were you roughhousing with the knights again?” She sounded weary, like she didn’t think that was what had happened. 

Arthur shook his head miserably.

“I spoke out of turn again” he said, not daring to look up at the girl. 

Morgana rolled her eyes, but she looked worried. 

“That’s hardly an excuse to make you look like you slammed your face against a shield” she stood up and offered her hand. “Come on, we’ll go to Gaius to get something for your bruise and then we’ll go play with the horses”

Arthur wrinkled his nose “we always play with the horses”

“That’s because horses are the greatest beings on earth” she said in a voice that suggested he take her words as gospel. 

He bit his lower lip, still not taking her hand.

“Morgana… why don’t we have moms?” 

At this Morgana faltered, her mask slipping to reveal shock before she schooled it into a neutral expression again. 

“We had mothers” she said, not unkindly as she sat down again, “we just don’t remember”

“But that’s not fair” he sounded on the verge of tears. Morgana shrugged. 

“Life’s not fair” his eyes darkened. She truly was her father’s daughter. “Father’s leaving again. The king wants him to go to the north… I don’t know if he’ll be back”

At this Arthur finally looked up, his own sadness forgotten. 

“He will” he said fiercely, “of course he will ‘Gana” 

She smiled weakly at him “and if he doesn’t?”

“Then you can come live with us!” His eyes shone with excitement at the prospect. “It’ll be like we’re brother and sister”

At that Ygraine smiled in morbid amusement. 

Morgana rolled her eyes, but she was smiling once more. 

“What a horrible destiny that would be” 

She hopped off the bed, straightened her dress and extended her hand once more.

“Come on”

This time Arthur took it, and hand in hand they left the chambers. 

A few more scenes flashed by, of Morgana (a year or two older than before) with tears running down her cheeks as she stood in front of the pyre that burned her father’s body. Arthur stood next to her, his hand gripping hers tightly. 

She saw Morgana waking up screaming, sobbing so hard she couldn’t breathe. Arthur burst into her chambers and ran to her. She immediately buried her face in his chest, trembling like a child as Arthur ran a hand through her hair. 

There were happier moments, in which Morgana and Arthur sparred, the match ending when Morgana disarming Arthur with a cocky smirk. 

“Told you I’d win”

Arthur scowled from where he lay on the floor, but he took Morgana’s outstretched hand. 

He was shorter than her, he couldn’t have been more than twelve years old.

“You just got lucky” he grumbled.

“I’ve been getting awfully lucky lately, wouldn’t you say?” 

But when the scene reformed, he saw Arthur beat Morgana under Uther’s watchful eye. 

Arthur waited with baited breath until Uther nodded in satisfaction. 

Arthur grinned, grabbing Morgana’s hand to help her up.

“Don’t get too proud, son, she’s still a girl, after all” 

Arthur’s grin slid off his face as Uther turned around and left. Morgana glared at his retreating form. 

Leon walked over to them, now nineteen, taller than both children and eyes full of pride. 

“I’ve seen you beat knight trainees, Morgana, and that is not an easy feat,” he said kindly. He turned to Arthur, “you did very well today”

Arthur and Morgana nodded. Leon walked away and Arthur turned to a Morgana.

“Thank you, Morgana, for throwing the fight” 

Morgana frowned 

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about”

Arthur looked confused, “but-“

“Do you really think I would throw a fight?”

Arthur brightened up as Morgana shoved him, turning away. Arthur quickly followed. 

Ygraine couldn’t help but feel fondness for Morgana, she cared for her boy, after all, that was enough for her.

_ Arthur had a sister, one who would care for him.  _

…

_“I could never have a friend who was such an ass”_

Ygraine decided she liked this Merlin boy. She watched with mild amusement as Arthur threw the boy in jail, only to be let out a few hours later by Gaius. She was glad the old physician had found someone to care for, he had always been a lonely man.

...

_ “How long have you been training to be a prat?” _

Arthur barked out a fake laugh, but Ygraine had to agree with the insult, her son had grown up to be a proud and arrogant prat, much to her dismay. Perhaps Merlin could bring him down from that pedestal.

_ “You can’t address me like that” _

_ “Sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat,  my lord _ ”

Ygraine laughed, even though no one could hear her. 

Oh yes, Merlin would do nicely. 

Her fondness for Merlin only grew after that, watching him save his son a hundred times but never taking credit. She watched as servant and prince grew closer until they were inseparable. Merlin and Arthur. Never one without the other. 

She was also very fond of Gwen, Morgana’s maid. 

Lovely girl, she would root for her and Arthur if not for the looks Merlin and Arthur shared from time to time, when they thought no one was watching. 

Ygraine followed Merlin and Arthur through the hallways, the two men sharing worried glances as they tried to come up with a solution to that day’s problem. Honestly, both of them seemed to have magnets for problems. 

They reached Morgana’s chamber, and an exasperated Gwen opened the door. 

“This whole thing is your fault, isn’t it?” She asked wearily. 

Arthur and Merlin had the decency to look guilty as they looked down at their boots. 

Gwen studied them for a second before she opened the door fully, letting them in. 

“You were right, my lady” she called, sounding resigned.

From inside the chambers Morgana laughed in triumph. 

“Pay up, Gwen” 

Merlin and Arthur looked insulted. 

“That’s the last time I bet against you” the maid grumbled, bringing out a few coins from her pocket.

Ygraine watched with great sadness as Morgana fell into darkness, disappearing after breaking Uther’s heart with her betrayal. 

She held her breath when she watched herself hug her son close, a ghost made corporeal by a witch. Arthur seemed to melt into her arms, hiding his face in her shoulder. _One day,_ she told herself, _one day I’ll hug him close and tell him how proud I am._

She cried when Uther was stabbed, not dead yet but getting there, and Arthur stood on his knees in his chambers, his hands covered in blood and his whole body shaking as Merlin brought him close. 

“Don’t leave” his voice trembled and broke, muffled by Merlin’s tunic as the young ( _ too young _ , Ygraine thought sadly) price buried his face in his friend’s chest. 

Merlin held him tight, also on his knees, tears of sympathy in his eyes as he ran a hand through the prince’s blond hair. 

“Never” was his only response. Arthur’s knuckles were white from where he was gripping Merlin’s tunic as he trembled all over. 

But by god, did she beam proudly (even as something inside her ached, because he was too young to have lost so much) as she watched Arthur wearing the crown, looking at his subjects as they chanted “long live the king!”

She could see him searching the crowd, his shoulders losing a little bit of their tension as he locked eyes with Merlin, who watched him with pure devotion and pride in his eyes, chanting along with everyone else. 

There were happier moments, meeting Gwaine was particularly enjoyable, and she was soon as charmed as Merlin seemed to be. 

Lancelot was what every mother hoped for in her child’s friend, and he guarded Merlin’s secret with his life. 

With Lancelot arrived Percival, protector of the weak and a mountain of a man. 

Gwen found her brother, an amusing man who never backed down from a challenge, especially if said challenge involved teasing the king. 

She  _ did _ find herself pitying Sir Leon, who put up with the other knight’s shenanigans with endless patience.

The years went by, a new young knight (who Ygraine recognized as the young druid Morgana and Merlin had once saved) joined the round table. With Mordred’s help, Merlin and Arthur brought Morgana home. 

It took time, a lot of patience (and even a few murder attempts), but Morgana came back to them, slowly but surely, helping Arthur lift the ban on magic. 

She was named court sorcerer, and Ygraine waited with bated breath for Merlin’s confession to Arthur. 

It ended up being a dramatic event (because of course it was, they were  _ Arthur and Merlin _ ), with yelling and tears and broken hearts. Things calmed down, eventually. 

Ygraine grinned smugly when Arthur grabbed Merlin by his neckerchief and pulled him into a rough kiss.  _ I did call it,  _ she thought. 

The land of Albion was at peace. Camelot was wealthy and prospered under king Arthur’s rule, his king consort by his side. Morgana had offered to make Merlin court sorcerer, but he had quickly declined. 

_ Court sorcerers are supposed to be politically neutral _ , he had said,  _ I would turn anyone who threatened Arthur into livestock.  _

She was watching all of this when something pulled at her, a force that warned her of what would happen soon. She wasn’t afraid, she welcomed it, even. 

So now she watched, aware that her time was running out, as Merlin and Arthur lay in bed, Arthur’s head lying on Merlin’s chest as Merlin ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair. 

“Arthur?” 

“Yes?”

“Are you happy?”

Arthur seemed to think about it. Ygraine thought back on everything she’d seen. Morgana’s love for her brother, Gwen’s kindness towards him, Merlin’s devotion, the knights’ loyalty... Arthur had so much, when he had been born with so little.

“Yes, Merlin, I am” 

Ygraine closed her eyes, peace in her soul. 

When she opened them she was in her chambers, her life quickly draining away. 

She wasn’t scared anymore. Not for her son, who would grow up to be the greatest king Camelot would ever see, surrounded by his family and friends. 

She looked down at the bundle in her arms, who had fallen asleep. How much time had passed? Minutes? Hours? Seconds? 

Gaius stared at her, grief in every line of his face. Seconds, then. It felt like a lifetime.

“He’ll be alright, Gaius” she whispered, looking at her baby’s face. 

Gaius only nodded. 

“Arthur is his name” she said, dropping the ghost of a kiss on his forehead. “My darling Arthur” 

And she closed her eyes, and let herself be swept away by death as if she were meeting with an old friend, her last thoughts directed at the baby still in her arms, who had a destiny greater than any king’s. 

Her darling Arthur. 

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Arthur being a chubby blond baby is too much for my heart.   
> Also my next fic is hinted in this, can you guess which?  
> If you have any baby Arthur/ baby Merlin headcanons tell me pleaseeee


End file.
